virtue and wine.

when im in a room by myself.
i prefer to have a mirror reflecting myself.
which i just noticed today.

sunday. well. today i woke up before noon which was a great feat...only to decide that it was a pointless feat and then i went right back to sleep. i slept on the wrong side of the bed which is nice to do every now and then. unfortunately i skipped all the big superbowl parties and chose to stay home and be a grownup. no hot wings and beer for this little lady..oh no. instead im gonna do the laundry i've been putting off for say...a month or so, and try and settle some old debts. maybe enjoy a few commercials in between. lately i think that ive been choosing the wrong times to be a grown up. for example, today....had i chosen to be a grown up last night and not get high as a kite and stay up till 5 watching arrested development then i could be enjoying the company of certain people right now. being a grown up, for lack of better term, i think is all about being wise enough to decide when to be an adult and when not to be. all it takes is a few strategic decisions to put your life in order. im hoping.

tomorrow is rose hill day....yuck. im gonna hopefully meet up with cici and chill at her apartment for a bit. cousins are great that way. just close enough to be more than friends and just far enough to be less than siblings. a very healthy balance i think. this also means that tomorrow i have class with that lovely lovely boy i just cant get enough of. i suppose it would be wise to keep him somewhat anonymous considering that we live in a small small world. but it sure is nice to see that once a week. lust isnt so bad ha. i mean it think it gets a bad rap...being a cardinal sin and all. but what if all we need is lust and friendship. and what if they dont need to always work side by side. i mean what if you have those amazing people that you stay up all night talking to and rush home to tell exciting or devastating news to...and then on the other hand you have those amazing people that you cant help but fantasize about constantly. i mean obviously there would have to be some physical gratification on the part of either your 'friend' or your 'lust,' but what if emotionally....there was no love. im not sure if i would consider that to be easier or more difficult. im not sure i would consider that to be possible at all ha. i mean love is a very specific emotion that is quite separate from all others in theory and in manifestation.

so ive been listening to this song by basement jaxx and theres this minute right in the middle that just blows my mind. its a really fun kind of 90s -esque foam party song...not in a gross way though haha somehow. but theres something about that minute. the melody runs almost askew to the song but it sounds soo fucking good. i mean it goes, but it doesnt go. but once i heard it i just wish it would continue forever. so ive been listening to it on repeat just waiting for that minute. that happens to me a lot. i fixate on one part of a song that i otherwise probably wouldnt care that much about. but i love that feeling of anticipation and excitement when 'your part' comes on or 'your song.' too cute.

im watching the clock like a hawk. apparently sunday is laundry day at fordham university. and i'll be goddamned if some snot nosed freshman pulls my underwear out of my machines before i get down there. not to mention i've got maybe 6 more loads to do and i cant afford to lose those machines. its funny to me how the most mundane of tasks always seem to be the greatest battles. i mean the drama surrounding the dishes in my home was always just soo ridiculously serious. i guess since life is made up of so many mundane tasks, we have no choice but to transform them into missions and struggles and triumphs in our heads...to give that filler time meaning.

ooh yea, bizarre moment last night. the security guard that i have MAD BEEF WITH YO, was like wasted outside cvs. jill said that he said something to me but i was way too high to even notice. fucking asshole. i feel like ive explained this story on this blog because it still makes me mad. so i'll do this quick. morning of my arabic final i went to starbucks to get some caffine...i come back through the lowenstein entrance with my hands full. ive got my laptop, my flashcards, my books, my coffee..and i hadnt slept in maybe 3 days. so i assume i have my ID and i ask the security guard if he can let me go because I SEE HIM EVERY FUCKING DAY, he says no. i was annoyed but cooperative. so i proceed to put down my coffee and attempt to find my ID. i am getting nervous because the clock is running and im late for a study group (and completely petrified that im going to fail this exam)....cut to 5 minutes later im in tears, my shit is spread all over the plaza...flashcards blowing in the wind and this guy wont let me in the building. FINALLY that cute tiny security guard signs me in as a GUEST in the school that i pay 40,000+ to attend every dumb dumb year. so i hate him. and everytime i see him i stare him down and shove my ID in his face so he remembers that i go here. it was just so weird to see him outside in the real world. considering that he only exists to me when hes behind a desk trying to crush my soul with his dumb face. ugh. okay gotta check laundry...not done with you yet.

DEFEAT DEFEAT! someone somehow....had taken all of my clothes out of one of my two machines....yet somehow the other machine was still running. i dont know how they do it. then i had to wait until a dryer was done...take someones clothes out and then put my still wet ones in...it was a mess, it was just really awful. but in 20 minutes i will be down there and i will not be beaten again. oh no thank you.

okay im gonna get in on some food. because...at 6:40 pm, things start to look a little different if you havent eaten anything. good work here today though. selah.