theres nothing wrong with me.

a hopeless year.
a year with nothing gained
and much pride lost.


i want to kill him. and then punch myself in the face. i think. haha those should have been my opening lines. i don't know what is wrong with me. i don't know why i wasted so much time trying to make something so inherently broken work the way i thought it should. where do i find these assholes? there is nothing wrong with me! i am chasing after these fools, completely throwing aside any semblance of an ego in an attempt to find something genuine and beautiful and i get rejected every time. i can't even get a courtesy call. literally.

i know what i want and i need to look elsewhere. i need to cut out the negativity. and i need to listen to more thalma de freitas. because life is too short. i will find the right one. i will find the right one. and then i can be just as wonderful to him as i know i can be. i should have gone to sleep long ago. i want to push out some tears first though. sleep before a long day. it should be easier than this. i can't even organize my thoughts right now. i need something thats right because all of this wrong-ness is really skewing my expectations. i know deep down that i deserve better but i'm just accepting what i am getting for no good reason. i am not taking any more shit. how about that? no more shit.

but all you got was me
and thats all that i can be
i'm sorry if i let you down

i'm not gonna sit around and waste my precious energy
trying to explain
and being ashamed
of what you think is wrong with me
theres nothing wrong with me