i guess you don't want me to repeat it.

i'll tell you what we're gonna do
you will shelter me, my love
and i will shelter you.

so what is going on with me? i really do not know. im a mess. im really just a mess. you know in those romantic comedies where the girl gets dumped and walks around her apartment randomly bursting into tears with a blanket draped over her shoulders. eating ice cream and making whisper phone calls. see!! ugh you can't see. i just randomly burst into tears. because im that girl. god i dont want to be her. ive been soo fucking vulnerable lately. and i hate that word almost as much as i hate that emotion? quality? weakness? i dont even know what it is. but i hate that i am it.
so this past week has been nothing short of traumatic. OH GOD! there it goes again. its fucking paolo nuttini this time though. i dont know why but his song 'last request' is just so damn good. i mean the lyrics the melody and his voice just wrap around my heart and kick it into submission. its not a gentle process. oh no. nothing has been gentle lately. violent and quick. if i could describe whats been going on inside of me lately i would use those two words.
i would be lying if i said that this was an ordinary week. i lost a friend. and when i say lost i mean it in the most awful and devastating of meanings. i feel that my experiences surrounding this loss are best left for my pen and not my keyboard. i was taught that some things are too sacred to be made public and he is one of them. but i will say one thing. i miss crying for him.

don't sell out
bow out
remember how this used to be
i just want you to know something
is that alright
baby lets get closer
tonight
grant my last request and just let me hold you
dont shrug your shoulders
lay down beside me
sure i can accept that we're going nowhere
but one last time lets go there

well im not sure if i am able to say much else.