hi my name is lena.

i just read the intro
to the last post i made
and i actually laughed out loud.

i guess its okay to be pathetically emo sometimes ha. if thats whats real. and i do my very best to be real here...i mean what is the point of being fake on your blog. who exactly would i be fooling? so it is 5:02 am right now and i am praying for sleep. im starving...not literally. and incredibly restless. i start class tomorrow and am a little nervous. i have absolutely no money whatsoever so new pens and pencils are out of the question. i am still trying to figure out this new haircut which seems to get more and more complicated as time goes on. i have yet to unpack and fold my clothes. and i am actually starving...not literally. im not sure how i feel about class tomorrow. i think that new is good. ive decided in fact that new is good. but its so much more than the beginning. i mean what isnt good in the beginning. its about the middle and end...thats when it counts. if i can manage to keep my head above water the ENTIRE semester instead of just during a few key weeks...who knows what lies ahead ha. i just think about the absolutely ridiculous lack of effort i invested in last semester and the results of said apathy were pretty decent grades. if i can just convince myself to try and convince myself to care then i think i will be Aok. found out today that i signed up for an art class. ha. why the fuck not.

my city is just as i left her. a little cold, a little dirty, and pretty as ever.
not really sure if im happy to be back though. i got quite used to having my family around me. its funny how it is one day necessary for you to readjust yourself to the people who know you best. to have to remember what its like to live with those who gave you life. and even more funny to forget. i think of all the things i want. to travel, to love. and i think of how far they may take me from all the things i know now. paris, morocco. and i dread those days that i will wake up and cry and cry and ache for my family. because those days will come. but i know that i can bear it. thats just growing up i suppose. growing up and growing away. how it was intended to be. i am listening to music much less these days. i am much more interested by this than concerned ha. being the absolute music junkie that i am, i am curious as to what has inspired this phase in my life. i think it might be that im watching more television...which also interests me more than it concerns me. i have never been a big tv watcher. food network, 24, and the occasional reality soul-crusher. but now all of a sudden i find myself really enjoying tv. mindless and senseless as it may be. no offense. but i have learned how important it is to support myself. in all that i chose to do. because if its there it is needed. and i really do believe that. not to say that the need for certain things shouldnt be examined and eventually resolved but there is really no point in judging yourself so harshly. if i need to watch tv now then i will watch tv. as long as its nothing outstandingly unhealthy (very specific definition) then i support myself.

i was hoping that i would type myself to sleep but im not sure it is going to work that way.
so that is all for now.