insomniac

i just had
the most intense battle
with two silverfish
and i think...that i won.

let me tell you something. i do not function when insects are around. especially arrogant obnoxious insects that try to take over my life by claiming the areas above my bed. i have spent approximately the last 2 hours battling arrogant obnoxious insects and i have just recently ended this battle with a tragic victory. while i was trying to convince myself it was safe to sleep i felt something light fall on my neck. i immediately freaked out, threw my ipod across the room and proceeded to slap every part of my body. after i had thorougly examined my sheets i came to the conclusion that my paranoia had gotten the best of me. just as i was about to return to my pathetic attempts at slumber i looked above my bed to see that most arrogant and obnoxious insect challenging me to a dual. maybe 10- 12 minutes later, once i had sufficiently psyched myself up to kill the bitch after a failed attempt i succeeded in smearing its insides all over my ceiling. relieved i took a lysol wipe, scrubbed the ceiling white and decided to go to the bathroom. not to be overly graphic, but usually if i have to go to the bathroom during the wee hours of the night i opt not to flush knowing that such a process requires quite a bit of noise in a near silent house. as most of us do (relax) i simply glanced in the toilet before i closed it and moved along to wash my hands. much to my shock and horror i saw none other than a dead insect (arrogant and obnoxious bien sur) floating inside. now i immediately imagined two very possible and equally terrifying scenarios. one being that my house has some sort of infestation and this was merely an unfortunate night for us all. two being that the "something light" which i had felt on my neck earlier in the night was not merely my paranoia but instead the arrrogant and obnoxious insect who i had seen earlier that night (in addition to the one i murdered) who then proceeded to remain on my body until it conveniently fell into the toilet at that time. i continued to wash my hands while screaming bloody murder (silently of course) in hopes that my audience (my own reflection in the mirror) would provide some sort of comfort or explanation. i then stood there and ran quickly in place, opened and closed my hands rapidly, shimmyed my shoulders....you know this dance. it was a horrible terrible disgusting experience. and still no sleep.

i have to go to dragos tomorrow. early. i have a session with jeanie. im sure she will be a bit bewildered and frustrated to discover that i know pretty much...nothing. in my absence i have simply retired the pilates section of my brain and it has yet to return from its hiatus in florida. im a goddamn mess.

but brasil won today. so thats nice.

i knew i had to write down the events of tonight. who knows this could be my very first horror story. hopefully my very last as well. as i do not function when insects are around. i will melt rather than open my windows ever again. although my father claims that the reason there are bugs in my room is because i refuse to keep it clean (in the military sense) however i seriously doubt this theory. after some reasearch i discovered that the insects who tend to frequent my room feed on cotton and dust. not entirely sure i could ever avoid those two things. ever. actually i would really prefer if i stopped writing about this.

any ways. my summer is going alright. lots of sleep and commuting. theres something so soul-less about commuting. not working where you live, not living where you work, comatose everywhere in between. its just not right. but whatever. by land or sea i will return to vampire state new york at least 5 times a week. my expenses have reached a record 80 dollars a week. and thats really convenient considering that i am currently unemployed, broke as hell, a straight up bum. im just going to listen to esthero right now and pretend everything is okay.

the slowest melodies. go in me.

i do miss my friends, just as i predicted. but life goes on. i will see them soon and very soon. family decided on puerto rico for a vacation. not too shabby. of course i am the director of travel arrangements.

today at the cheesecake factory i announced to my family that i will dedicate my life to becoming the most well respected and highly paid 'life consultant' on the east coast. no comments were made in response to this declaration. it was appropriate i suppose.

when i fall apart thats when the notes will swallow me.

okay i think i should give sleep another try. i turst that i will be sleeping alone tonight. however i can no longer be so sure. fuck it.