the world is tight.

the world is so tight
these days
i can't even squeeze a penny
out of the world
thats how tight it is.


lovely quote from the 66th street homeless man.

day old pastries and lukewarm milk. not exactly all that i wanted from life these days. but thats what i got. i also go a brain that has a habit of blocking out all that is important and relevant but embracing all that is whimsical and useless. take right this very fucking second for instance. i have an arabic quiz in a little over two hours. i skipped the last class before the quiz so im only generally guessing its content and barely studying at that. instead i am whimsically (ah-ha) writing on my blogger which has become increasingly more pathetic as the days pass. i listen to jeff buckley:
i feel afraid and i call your name
i love your voice and your dance insane
i hear your words and i know your pain
with your head in your hands and your kiss on the lips of another

that is what is happening. well no. thats what i wish was happening. huuge secret. when i pick up my check (aka shady envelope of cash) this tuesday im going to put half of it in a super secret safe. which is something i will habitually do for the next few weeks. and then one day im going to disappear. im not going to tell anyone where or when im going. or when and if im coming back. im just gonna go and its going to be the most romantic and dramatic shit anyone has ever been able to do in this world. ghost-style.

i was working with a girl michelle yesterday and she told me that her mother was coming to visit. when i asked them if they had plans she said, "no..we're just gonna stay in and look at eachother. maybe watch some tv. and then look at eachother some more." and honestly, thats all they should do. thats all anyone should do. sure there could be conversation, food, movement, sex involved. but all we should ever really do is look at eachother. i ilove staring at pictures of my parents. i could do it all day. the ones you love are just so fucking beautiful its ridiculous.

okay i can feel it coming but i refuse it. i will not be overwhelmed. i can do anything. i can fly. i want to go home. after class tomorrow i think im going to run home and just curl up in my bed and look at my family for a while. then i'll come back to vampire state new york (as magic mike calls it) and all will be well. as for now im going to da-ra-sa al-loo-gah-wee-uh ar-ah-bee-uh (study the arabic language..duh)

i feel it more than ever.