germs are having sex in your drinking water.

i am a sick girl.
hopped up on liver killing tylenol
listening to juanes.

i love that its still light out. summer days lazy days. i used to love coming into the city during the summer when i was little and seeing everyone sitting on their steps just chilling. someone would be eating somehing, someone else would be playing something but they'd all just be out. how nice it is to just be out. i love the blanket of winter but i also love the summer. except for when im sick and inside just as i would be during winter. but at least i can open the window without any anxiety.

so im craving grilled cheese sandwiches. grilled cheese made with whole wheat bread and cheddar cheese. just like my mom would make them. im also missing sick days the way they were intended to be. when youre too sick to go to school and your mom lets you sleep late only to periodically interrupt your slumber with tablespoons of cherry medicine, glasses of orange juice or a grilled cheese sandwhich. i remember staying home from school and being escorted down to the den to watch the kids shows on pbs under my mothers big itchy blanket. and then my favorite part would come. my mom would bring out those white folding tables. i dont know why i loved those things so damn much. they were just these cheap white plastic folding tables, just big enough for everything i wanted. a paper plate, in a wicker tray with a (duh) grilled cheese sandwich on top. a small bowl of tomato soup. a bottle of water. a glass of orange juice and another small plate with apples and cinnamon. i lovved those tables. thats the way sick should be. not freezing under your covers surrounded by clean unfolded laundry contemplating philosophy homework. this is all wrong.

ever lie and convince yourself that its true? i think its so weird how we can do that to ourselves. the capability to evoke genuine emotion from a complete and total lie. we are some weird kids.

okay im gonna let the medicine knock me out right now since im already in bed.
soo real.