gotcha!

ok so i randomly couldnt find my dusty little blog.
how annoying right?
well i found you and that is good because im in the mood to write.

okay so i dont know if im the only one dumb enough to do this...but there are certain situations in my life that i mentally fix with the occurance of one hypothetical event. in other words if this happens then everything will be fantastic. right so i do that all the time. i create these perfect little scenarios in my head and i dream up all the wonderful things that happen because of them and theres this whole other life i live in my dreams and in my long walks and drained stares and it never occurs to me that there is still the possibility that this life (however mythical and idealistic it may be) can come to fruition with the occurance of that one hypothetical event. so. it did. and now i'm lost. it was always "if this" or "if only that" and the bliss of living a double imaginary life that was comprised only of "this" and "that." but now they are here and ready to dance...shit. okay im not sure what im going to do. but im okay with this. sort of. i will make it work. okay.


anyways. i am home in new jersey. yes i am.
i do nothing all day long.
its depressing and fantastic all at the same time. and now that my grandparents have abandoned me here, i will not only do nothing all day long, but i will do it alone. i pretended that they were a burden while they were here. no it is not easy making sure that my grandmother doesn't wander out of the garden or leave the stove on during all 4 of her favorite soap operas. and the responsibility of making sure my grandfather has a USA today to read every day in addition to cooking him the world's best omlettes upon request could become daunting at times. but i miss them now. and i am always grateful for every second that i have with them....the second after the leave of course. because isn't that how everything seems to work. "you don't know what you got till its gone"...thanks for that joni.
things that i will enjoy about being home alone include:
1. walking around in my underwear because goddamn it is hot out and whatever weak excuse for "air conditioning" that my father has claimed to exist in this house just is not cutting it
2. singing whatever song i like at the top of my lungs...whenever i want. ha.
3. complete monopoly over the television during the day which probably means tons of martial arts movies, foreign flicks and the food network
yea i thought there would be more than 3 things on that list but what can i say, i'm a people person. so i watched before sunset today. the movie. right. it was pretty interesting. i was hoping to watch something that would make me cry, and it didn't make me cry at all. it was more like listening in on a very long and interesting conversation between two people with a very dramatic past together...in france. i liked it though. i would have liked to see the first one though because, i don't know why but i would have liked to have seen it.

okay i feel a little less depressed now that im listening to nina simone. i cant help but smile when i listen to mood indigo. because the image of me dancing like a madman at 6 in the morning in my underwear in front of the mirror after completing a 10 page paper is permanently attached to this melody. it just makes me want to do it all over again. without the 10 page paper. or insane amounts of caffine. or temporary insanity....actually keep the insanity.


oh i could drink a case of you
and still be on my feet